The weirdo weturns

When I arrived at Bill’s house that day, the first story he told me was about some people who had answered his ad, come to his house, and stolen items from him. I said, “That’s lousy,” and made a mental note that he’ll probably accuse me, too. After an hour of enduring his stories and then realizing that he had no intention of selling anything, I lost patience, set the clamps down on his band saw, and said, “Bill, I have to leave,” and literally ran to my car and sped away.

The next day, my friend and business partner, Kathy, received a phone call at the corporate headquarters of TopStitchers from an old man who said a blonde named Melissa had come to his house and stolen three clamps from him. Kathy had no idea what he was talking about. She coaxed more information out of him and determined that he meant Louisa, not Melissa, but told him that she found it hard to believe that her business partner was the type of person who would steal clamps from an old man. He insisted I had and that he was going to call the sheriff to investigate. She told him she thought it was a mistake, hung up, and went back to work.

A little while later, I went in to work, and moments after I walked through the door, the phone rang. Kathy answered. She talked and laughed and winked at me, then told me about the conversation. My new boatbuilding buddy Bill had found the clamps and I was exonerated. Kathy was relieved to know that I was not a crook.

Later, I told Cary the entire story. He became indignant that this man had called me a thief. He phoned him and said, “What kind of a kook are you?” Bill apologized to Cary, and later he called and apologized to me. I accepted, but wanted to know, “Why didn’t you just call and ask me where the clamps were?” He didn’t have a good answer for that, so I just said good-bye and thanks for calling. Then changed my phone number. Then drove down to Black Point at midnight, broke into Bill's shed and stole his clamps.

Just kidding! I stole the band saw instead.